Ever Enough?

Why does it always feel as though you are not enough?

Why is all that was done still not a parameter enough?

Isn’t the feeling of being pain struck the same for all?

Isn’t compassion and kindness for every living soul?

Kindness doesn’t cost a penny,

To satisfy all – an illusion of many.

The continuous spills of venom does all but stings,

Breaks one slowly into uncountable miniscules.

Staggering each day to see one beaming with pride,

Is that too much to ask by someone strong yet fragile?

Slowly engulfing into that ocean dark,

Don’t know will you ever be enough?

Will you ever be enough?

©Arpita

Fading Light..

Standing at the balcony, staring at the fading moonlight,

Somehow, somewhere it felt as though life was fading away.

Grief, anger, sadness- there are countless emotions,

Weirdly- all that I felt was completely blank.

It seemed as though my own world is distant,

It seemed as though I was sinking and slowly losing my grip.

Are these just episodes or a clear sign?

Am I alienating from myself yet again?

Scared or scarred – I am no longer sure,

To attempt to breathe, seems pointless like never before.

Stuck in an unending maze,

Routes to break free seem covered in haze.

Shackles each day tightening its grips,

The urge to cling on slowly fading like those faint streaks.

They say there comes a dawn after every dusk,

But why does this dawn seem to have lost sight unasked?

The bottled up chaos rests in the graveyard,

And all that is left is a vacuum spread thousands of yards.

Staring at the fading moonlight,

All that I feel is life falling apart,

All that I feel is falling apart.

©Arpita

Would You?

If we started life on a different note,

If we could reverse and rewrite the plots,

Would you have stayed then?

Would you have had a reason to cling on?

Faulty we were or it was the fault in our stars,

The tumultuous journey left all but scars.

Was ‘enough’ just not really enough?

How does one free from those invisible cuffs?

Endless tries to add hues,

Alas! The canvas remains gray.

Crumbling slowly from the deafening silence,

Life yet urges to hold on to the pretence.

Bruised wings trying hard to break open and flutter,

The shackles hold her down each time, how hard she tries no matter. 

Life goes on in a frenzy,

And the thought leaves the inner child crazy.

Tell me-

If we had started life on a different note,

Would you have stayed then?

If we could reverse all back in time,

Would you have stayed back then?

Would you have?

©Arpita

That ‘Me’

A part of me wants to let go and move on,

Yet-

A part of me cries to keep clinging on.

Thousands memories and endless flashbacks,

A thousand tunes that chain my lifting soul and hold me back.

That which was once bright,

Is now but a fading smile.

A thousand roads to wander and heal,

Yet, none now pumps in that zeal.

Curling into this opaque shell with each passing hour,

That little voice in the subconscious now falls deaf to the ears.

Surrounded yet desolate,

I am all but dissociated.

A glass of whiskey and brooding on endless moments,

I realise-

A part of me still cries to cling on,

A part of me still longs to cling on.

©Arpita

Save Thy Rebecca

Far when I am in the clouds,  I won’t sense the pain anymore!

Rebeca was born in a lower -middle class family in the outskirts of London. Since childhood, she was different from the rest of the world. Rebeca suffered from a rare disorder where she struggled to form words. She used to go to the same school as friends of her age. However, she struggled to fit in and always found her alone. She was constantly bullied in the class because of her disorder and that took a toll on her.

One evening on summer break Rebeca and her family were supposed to visit their Grannies. Everybody was ready apart from Rebeca. Her mom reached to her room and knocked at the door several times. When Rebeca didn’t answer or come out of the room, after several unsuccessful attempts the mother started panicking and called her husband. “Peter.. Peter….. Can u please come?… Rebeca is not opening the door”… Peter rushed towards the room and banged the door a few more times but there was no response. Panic shook the family to the grit. They broke into the room and froze on the tracks. They were in complete shock as their daughter, Rebeca was hanging from the ceiling. She chose to take her life as she couldn’t bear the humiliation anymore. Peter found a note on the table Sorry, mom and dad, I Love you both but I cannot go through all of these for the rest of my life.”..

The neighbours called the ambulance and informed the police. The police took the body for autopsy, and then handed over the body back to the family after 24 hours. 

It was an open and shut case of suicide. But was it really? Rebecca’s parents knew there was more to it and they were determined to find out. The devastated couple needed closure, a reason for the chaos which led their daughter to take her life.

Rebecca’s parents found few disturbing scribbles and pictures at the back of her notebook. When they visited her school, to their utter disbelief, they found out that there were several kids in school who bullied her every single day. Further to the investigation they found that Rebeca had complained about the events  multiple times to management, faculties and to the Headmaster as well. Everytime, her complaints went unheard and she asked to ignore such things. The faculties always dismissed her saying those were her fellow mates and we’re just playing with her. She was told she was overthinking it. None acknowledged her suffering and the practice of bullying that was happening in the school.

Had everyone at school not taken this matter so lightly, it wouldn’t have cost Rebecca her life. Rebecca’s mother wanted the bullies to be punished and she registered a case against the students involved and the ignorant management.

It is 3 months today since Rebecca left all of us and the case is still going on with no conclusion. With no substantial proof, the court cannot take any actions and unfortunately, there isn’t any apart from a suicide note which clearly did not mention any reason. Rebecca’s case was weak and it is only a matter of time that the case would be closed with probably a mere warning to all parties involved. 

But will justice be ever served to the young life? Rebecca’s parents are devastated and seeing the case close will break them all the more. They cannot fathom what their little girl might have undergone all this while and knowing the fact that she never took the courage to come speak to them would kill them all the more each passing day. Rebecca’s parents now feel that they failed in parenting. And it is obvious to feel. Had there been that level of communication and life lessons imparted, had they spent time with her to find out about her life, the situation would have been different. The ignorant faculty would keep the same course and the bullies would roam freely again and who knows, probably weeks down the line, there would be news of another Rebecca at some street.

Yes, raising a kid isn’t easy but imparting life lessons, responsibilities, etiquettes and the difference between right and wrong are the responsibility of us adults as parents, guardians and teachers. We all have to come together to bring the change. We all have to save our Rebecca’s!

Bullying is never fun, it’s a cruel and terrible thing to do to someone. If you are being bullied, it is not your fault. No one deserves to be bullied, ever” – Raini Rodriguez

©Arpita

Paa….

Years ago, she was full of life,

Today all she feels is hollow from inside.

Some tangled strings, some broken chords,

Manages to inflict pain, like being stabbed by a sword.

Stuck in the time while you were here,

Still cannot believe, you are no longer there.

That peace while you pulled me in a bear hug,

Irreplaceable it is, can’t be felt in any other hug.

The soft goodnight kisses you planted on my forehead,

Every time I longed for it, my heart bled.

I wish I could see you one last time,

I wish I could put a stopper to this time.

Hug you strong, and sleep on your laps,

It’s been too long since I had a peaceful nap.

I know you are there watching me,

Your little ‘Mumma’ is fragile, you see.

I want to feel that hand on my shoulder,

I want to see your name flash on my dialer.

You left too soon, 

Leaving behind a vacuum.

On one of these dreadful days,

All I long for is your embrace.

I know it’s childish and immature,

But my heart is bleeding and I don’t know the cure.

Your little one is at unrest and pain,

Papa, please come back once again.

Papa, will you please come to hug me once again?

©Arpita

That Rain

Dark is the sky,

Seems those cotton balls up above are about to cry.

While people around are in haste,

She seemed nonchalant yet poised.

The darkness seems to now evade,

Roaring thunder and lightning seem to fill the sky with a new shade.

There she is standing at her window,

Staring at those droplets of rain rolling down the windowpane,

Lost in a world devoid of pain.

The cold breeze plays with her hair,

Undisturbed she is from the frolic so far.

The soil is now damp and emanates a wet scent,

She takes a deep breath and inhales it to her heart’s content.

It’s been a while and the first storm of the season has now subsided,

She is still there at the window staring in vacuum,

She is still there lost in her own world of equilibrium.

©Arpita

A Message for Paa..

Hey there Gentleman,

I see you are also on the way to heaven.

Since you are going to where my Dad is-

Could you please meet him? – I insist.

I assure you he won’t be hard to find,

For he is one of a kind.

Heavy voice and with one swollen cheek,

Don’t worry, it is no wound, he just has a betel leaf in it.

For he loved to chew it here,

Hence, I am sure, he will continue the same there.

He may be playing with the children,

And holding one of them-

Laughing and singing the games of fun,

For he has always loved the kids and their fun.

Now if you haven’t found my Dad yet,

He’s probably kneeling by the throne,

Surrounded by God’s angels,

Praying for his loved ones below.

He wasn’t famous in this world

Nor did any heroic deeds.

He was a strong hard-working man,

Taking care of those in need.

You see, he was my hero of all times,

So, if you see my Dad in heaven

Tell him I’m doing fine.

Let him know how much I miss him

And I think of him most of the time.

You know he was my hero,

So, will you give him a hug or two?

Tell him how much I love him and

I’ll be seeing him someday very soon.

~~Arpita~~

Shrija- A Mystery Unsolved..

Shrija, wake up! You’ll be late for collegeshouted Mrs Dutta. Little did she have the idea what she was to face the next moment. She walked into Shrija’s room- Shrija, will you get up now? It is 8 past 10, you will be late and gave her a push. She was shocked at the touch. Shrija’s body seemed dead cold and she was motionless. Panic struck Mrs Dutta’s face as she shouted for her husband to come to the room.

Mr Dutta scurried into the room listening to her wife scream. He was wondering what came in at this early hour. ‘What is wrong with you Lisa? Why are you shouting and why is Shrija still sleeping?’ Raman, our Shrija, Mrs Dutta could barely speak. Lisa say, ‘What is wrong? You are scaring me now.’ Mrs Dutta burst into tears and amidst cries- ‘Raman, Shrija is not moving, she is so cold.’ Are you mad? Nothing can happen to my daughter. He shook Shrija hard, but she was lying still. He could not believe his eyes and rushed to the hospital, where Shrija was declared dead. The doctors said she died of consuming poison.

Shrija was the daughter of a high profile businessman of Jamshedpur and a student of Tata Memorial College. She was a studious, fun-loving girl. Never had anyone thought in the wildest of their dreams that a disaster as such could happen in their life. The news of her death spread like wild-fire and it was a police case now. Mr and Mrs Dutta had broken down after losing their only daughter.

The police started their investigation promptly. They searched for all possible angles, asked each and every one connected with Shrija but in vain. There was no trace of a love angle from her call records or after a thorough search of her room. The only thing that was discovered was a note for Mr and Mrs Dutta stating- “Maa, Paa! I love you! And I am sorry!” The note broke the old parents all the more.

Pressure was building up on the police as they had no answers to the questions of the media and public. Neither did the couple have an answer as to why their daughter chose to end her life in such a manner. The police tried by all means but could not come up with a conclusion to the case.

It’s been 2 months now since Shrija passed by. The case is still open. But the mystery still sustains related to her suicide. The death note she left for her parents still haunts them. They blame each other for Shrija’s death and their married life is shattered. Both are on medication now and no one knows how long it would take for the family to return to the normal state again. One death changed the destiny and the lives of the entire family. I am sure wherever Shrija is today, she too would repent seeing her parent’s endless suffering and pain. The deed has already been done and in no way can it be reversed.

Had she for once talked to her parents about her problem, then life would have been different. There would have been no black clouds, no fallen marriage and no mystery- Only, had she talked once!”

~~Arpita~~~

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