Ever Enough?

Why does it always feel as though you are not enough?

Why is all that was done still not a parameter enough?

Isn’t the feeling of being pain struck the same for all?

Isn’t compassion and kindness for every living soul?

Kindness doesn’t cost a penny,

To satisfy all – an illusion of many.

The continuous spills of venom does all but stings,

Breaks one slowly into uncountable miniscules.

Staggering each day to see one beaming with pride,

Is that too much to ask by someone strong yet fragile?

Slowly engulfing into that ocean dark,

Don’t know will you ever be enough?

Will you ever be enough?

©Arpita

Would You?

If we started life on a different note,

If we could reverse and rewrite the plots,

Would you have stayed then?

Would you have had a reason to cling on?

Faulty we were or it was the fault in our stars,

The tumultuous journey left all but scars.

Was ‘enough’ just not really enough?

How does one free from those invisible cuffs?

Endless tries to add hues,

Alas! The canvas remains gray.

Crumbling slowly from the deafening silence,

Life yet urges to hold on to the pretence.

Bruised wings trying hard to break open and flutter,

The shackles hold her down each time, how hard she tries no matter. 

Life goes on in a frenzy,

And the thought leaves the inner child crazy.

Tell me-

If we had started life on a different note,

Would you have stayed then?

If we could reverse all back in time,

Would you have stayed back then?

Would you have?

©Arpita

The Bias…

How does it feel to stay at a place where you are constantly made to feel unwanted? How does it feel to keep the pretense game on? When does this end? Will she ever get out? Will she ever break the emotional clutches and fly free?

A thousand thoughts were racing through Kritika’s mind, when she heard a knock at the door. The knock was loud enough to bring her back to senses. She reluctantly got up and opened the door. There stood Kshitij with two bags in hand, eyes shining and with the broadest of smiles.

Kshitij and Kritika met at a party three years back and immediately clicked. Since then, they have been the closest friends who have stood by each other through thick and thin. Kritika wasn’t expecting him at home today and was surprised.

Kritika: What are you doing here Kshitij?

Kshitij: What could I do? I called you like 7 times, but you didn’t pick. I had to come see you. 

Kritika: Shit! Sorry, I was occupied and didn’t get a chance to pick the call.

Kshitij: Kriti, have you really started to think you can lie to me?

He pulled her into a bear hug and handed over the two bags he was carrying with him. He firmly said- Now sit and eat !”

Kritika works night shifts and sometimes there are days that she doesn’t have the stamina to go fetch something for herself. She of course stays with her family and it isn’t like they starve her. But there is a difference between feeding someone with love and just doing it for you have to do it. And that is the case with her family. While her family would cook for her, but that comes wrapped with a series of taunts and yells. However the situation is different when it comes to the male of the household. Typical gender biases!

It is always said that there cannot be anything better than cooking and serving food with love. The series of taunts and yells eventually reduces her urge to touch the food even. And then again, if she leaves food, that again would be chaos. Quite suffocating, isn’t it?

While Kriti was fiddling with the packets, lost in her thoughts, Kshitij gave her a squeeze on the hand. Damn! Woman, open and see what I got for you !

He bought her favorite Pasta and chocolate fudge. Her eyes sparkled with happiness seeing it. 

Kshitij: Now that looks like my Kriti. Dig in, what are you waiting for?

They chatted and rejoiced with the bowl of pasta and chocolate fudge together. Kritika seemed relieved during the entire time and that wide smile never left her face.

Kshitij: Kriti, how long are you going to take all this? Why don’t you say anything?

Kritika: Kritika took a deep breath. Kshitij, I have so much to say and yet none. I have tried to explain them zillion times now, but it all boils down to one thing – our parents have nurtured us this way and we don’t need to learn what is good and bad from you now. And if not this, they would start shedding tears. And you know it, tears aren’t my thing at all.

This isn’t a problem with just me or some other girl. Sometimes it feels as though every second household has this issue. The generations have been raised faulty and now with changing ideologies, the old culture has been engraved so deep in their roots that they would do everything but change. And for people like us, we either walk away or fall silent eventually and pretend all is well just to not have to live lifelong with the constant fingers pointing towards us of breaking the family and maligning their image.

Kshitij, I feel unwanted and wronged every time, but, I let go reassuring myself that I am overthinking. For instance, the food, if it wasn’t me but my brother, the world would have been placed at his feet by now. But when it comes to me, it doesn’t even matter. Our society has been wired this way and my friend, nothing would change ever till the change is embraced at home. There are endless biases and there will always be.

Kshitij had a meeting and had to leave early. He stood up, pulled her into a hug and whispered in her ears- You are my strong Kriti, just don’t give up!’

All Kriti managed to say in a choking voice was ‘Thanks for being there, Thanks!’

As Kshitij sat in his car, he received a text from Kritika-

 I am at par or probably above, only if this world considered!

It only left him wondering what every other Kritika in the household endures all their life.

©Arpita

Successful Relationship- A Myth or a Reality

The other day, I was conversing with my bae, about how to make our relationship status rank to be one of the most successful ones? I was stunned at his response- “Successful relation, Oh! Come on, get over it, it does not exist in real life.” I was honestly disappointed and he could sense that.

He walked up to me and pulled me to his arms and asked- Okay! So, what is a successful relation? I was silent. Realizing, I am not going to respond, he spoke- In todays’ time, a successful relation is one, where internally even if your heart is bleeding, externally you display to be the happiest of all. If that is how you want our relation to be, sorry, I cannot do that. I wondered, after all, he was correct.

Our inner egos are so big that we rarely sit down for a discussion, listen to each other and sort out our differences. The male counterpart tends to always have the upper hand in a relationship, there are exceptions, and touchwood, I have been lucky in that case, my partner is a real gem.

A relation should be as such where you can pour your heart out without needing to worry about anything. Free flow of emotions is a rare thing. You should respect each other’s wishes and allow them the needed private space. Needless to mention, care and love is something that is needed in each relation.

Male or female ego, clash of words, violence and abuses, trust issues should never crop up in a relation. Once these seedlings are planted, there is nothing that can save your relationship from doom. These are like termites that would eat up your relationship slowly and gradually and you would be left with negative emotions and hatred towards your partner.

It is not that complicated a task to sustain a healthy relationship. A little bit of effort from both the parties, display of love, respect for each other, trust and most importantly, open communication and Yayy! A happy healthy relationship is established.

Over the years, I have come across couples whose outer presence seems so overwhelming, that you grow envious of their relationship and wish one such relation of your own, however the reality is completely different (of course, not all). A makeup to cover the scars and bruises and you can shun a fake smile as well, but if you look deep into their eyes, you can feel the sorrow and sadness that is towered on them. On a personal level, I would never want a glamorous look and feel of my relationship just for display to the outer world, rather, I would prefer one simple, caring and loving partner who knows the values of respect and dignity.

As it is said, respect each other and your hopes and aspirations of a successful relationship would soon be a reality and a source of inspiration for all.

“I would rather keep my head held high in a relationship or walk off from it.”

The Demons

It has been so many years,
Yet, still fresh is that fear.
She was two then,
A bubbly, chubby kid back then.
Loved by all, she was the center of attraction,
She was apt in securing all the attention.
Diwali was round the corner,
The house was filled with relatives from all over.
Never did we imagine,
Darkness was actually hovering.
He was 18, and a cousin,
Innocent a face, but predator from within.
He started it off as a game,
She was too small to understand the same.
He laid his hands all over, left her in pain and fear,
She wanted to tell her parents, 
But her age did not let her comprehend.
The pain was excruciating,
Late at night, she ended up screaming.
Rushed to the doctors aid,
They couldn’t believe what the doctor said.
She was raped, and her organs damaged,
The instance was repeated, and the family was in rage.
When she regained senses, she finally revealed the name,
Behind the bars is that monster, and should stay the same.
Her body took years to recover, but her mind is still in trauma,
Psychiatrists, guidance, they did all they could to take care.
Every Diwali, she is still a scared soul,
Trying hard to recover from the scar once and for all.
With time, she will heal for sure,
With time, she will be a new person.
But do you wonder every year how many kids are a prey to such demons?
It is time we raise awareness and show these monsters their true space,
It is time we stand united and fight to save our little ones from these evil faces.

© Arpita
 


			

Grihini-The Home Maker or the Home Breaker?

It is said that a woman is one who builds and nurtures a family and she is the same one who can take it to doom. In this world, everything happens for a reason. What I do not understand is, how can a woman be the reason always when you are doomed?

I come from a joint family-in fact a huge one, with lots of uncles, aunts, cousins, siblings, grandma, grandpa, and I can rant on and on. Nahh! I am not trying to show how big my family is. The point that I am trying to put across is that, at home, whenever, the kid failed or the husband faced a loss in his business, or some mishap happened, the grandma’s or the  elders would right away be like- Shibani (mum), it is all your fault. You cannot teach your kid. It is all your fault, you stress out your husband so much, he couldn’t concentrate on his work. You didn’t do the Aarti with a pure heart and so he met with an accident.

Oh! C’mon. Just give me a break! Shibani, is the lady, who just toils like a labor at your home from dawn till dusk, and even after dusk. Had she not cooked, you would have logicstarved. Had she not bathed the kid, he would have missed school. Had she not kept the files synchronized, her husband would have missed an important file and many more. Can anyone freaking explain the logic of this Aarti? Was Shibani thinking of Shakira while doing the Aarti? Of course not! And how on Earth, has the Aarti got to do anything, about your son, walking like a blind, in the middle of the road? Aarti wouldn’t lend superpowers and create an iron shield. Shitty logic!!

The truth is the society is so patriarchal, that, you just need a reason to blame her- a reason to blame your wife. You married her, brought her to your house. She has embraced each one in the house, including you. Did you ever imagine how hard it is for a girl to leave her own blood relations and accept others? Had your son today won a medal, you would go about boasting, he is my son. But did you take the least bit of pain to let the equalworld know and share the credit with your wife, who if, had not nurtured the child and taught him values, had not boosted and motivated him, the child would have been no more than all those spoiled kids out there? Ever did you do that? No? Why? Your ego hurts, right?

 

respectFor some seconds, try keeping the superiority aside, and give her the due share of credit, for all the arduous work that she has put in, to build a family, inspiring for all, and see the spark in her eyes. For once, give her the due respect, and keep the blames aside. It isn’t too much to ask for.     

 

“She is your better half, she is your Grihini- your homemaker in the truest sense. Accept it, embrace it and respect it!”

Intertwined Emotions

“Diyu, will you marry me?”– asked Ranvijay kneeling down on the carpet. And Diksha was all rosy. Sounds like a romantic love scene, isn’t it? It is the 70th marriage anniversary of Diksha and Ranvijay, who are proud grand-parents now. Who said love understands the maths of ages? Look at them, they are still so in love.  

Diksha and Ranvijay, were married in a hush-hush ceremony in the year 1947, the year India was independent, Ranvijay chose to be in the loving arms of the love of his life, his Diyu. Hurdles have always been there but their love for each other never died down, with the passage of time, when normally, relations wither away, their love for each other kept magnifying.

Today they are all surrounded by their children and grandchildren for the celebrations. Akshit, son of the couple, had planned a surprise for them and it was time to unfold it.

Ahem, Ahem, ladies and gentleman, may I have your attention please? Thanks for gracing us with your presence. Today on this day, Maa and Paa, I have something for you. I hope you will love it. Two tickets to the honeymoon capital- Paris! Paa, I always knew, you wanted to take Maa to Paris, but you both kept your dreams under cover just to let us grow and so that there never be any shortcomings for us. Now, when I am grown up, and you both have been together for the past 70 years, this is the best I could give you both. Thanks for being there for us kids always. I love you Maa and Paa.”

It was an emotional moment for the family, there was tears in Diksha and Ranvijay’s eyes. Tears of joy, just to see, that their teachings and upbringings, brought them the sweetest payback of their life, in the form of their son, Akshit. A journey of 70 long years, a journey of hardships, could not have borne a sweeter fruit than this, where their kids know the value of relations and family and have not turned themselves into bots in this rat race of life.

Shweta, daughter of the couple and now a mother of two, added more sweetness to the moment with an announcement-

Paa, Ab meri baari hain (Paa, it is my turn now). Akshit get down from the stage. Papa, I always knew, you wanted to take Maa to a long drive, in a car of your own. I even knew your favorite brand. So, on this day, this car keys, is for you and Maa, from my and your son-in-law’s side. It was a Chevrolet spark- a brand, Ranvijay has always loved. Hrithwik(son-in-law)- Papaji, ab jamke maaji ke sath long drive pe jayega (Dad, now go on unlimited long drives with Mom), after all, you are the one, from whom I will take lessons to keep your daughter happy.”

Ranvijay finally spoke- What more do I need in my life when I have such a wonderful family? I will have no regrets and no tensions if I close my eyes now. At least I will die in peace knowing the fact that, my family will always be the way they are, supportive, loving and will stride victorious in any dark phase in their life. I love you my kids. And wify, my Diyu- I love you all the more!

Diksha in tears- I love you too Ranvijay, I love you too!

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