Ever Enough?

Why does it always feel as though you are not enough?

Why is all that was done still not a parameter enough?

Isn’t the feeling of being pain struck the same for all?

Isn’t compassion and kindness for every living soul?

Kindness doesn’t cost a penny,

To satisfy all – an illusion of many.

The continuous spills of venom does all but stings,

Breaks one slowly into uncountable miniscules.

Staggering each day to see one beaming with pride,

Is that too much to ask by someone strong yet fragile?

Slowly engulfing into that ocean dark,

Don’t know will you ever be enough?

Will you ever be enough?

©Arpita

The Flickering Diya

I had my eyes set on the flickering light of a diya burning nearby,

Lighting up ways and being a ray of hope in the dark,

A symbol of triumph over evil, it has already set the mark.

But ever wondered-

While she illuminates all, how dark must she be from within?

Empty yet radiating,

Barren yet giving.

There, there- did I just hit a chord of remembrance?

Did you just get a flash of a flickering diya in your life?

Could you relate to that aura and the silent existence?

A silent giver, a secret bearer and an illuminator,

Succumbing in their own darkness yet flickering and spreading light all along,

Smiling, pausing,listening and always humming to your songs.

Today- let’s fill some elixir in that diya.

Let us all show solidarity and let them know we just don’t need listening; we can be listeners too,

Let us for once fill some rays of light and give strength to their being,

Let us be that warm embrace,

Let us ensure we keep that diya flickering,

Let us ensure we keep that diya always illuminating.

©Arpita

The Last Battle

While you are one in a million,

She was an average girl,

Serene, calm and with a smile,

One could say,she was happy,

But that was for a short while.

Relations unpredictable and life was a mess,

Her life was far from sorted,

And she just wished she retorted.

 

She did vent out her feelings,

But you paid no heed,

Thus she kept all inside,

Trying to convince her each day everything was alright.

She was lying,

I wonder, how couldn’t you figure it out from the dullness in her eyes?

 

She fought her battle as long as she could,

Stood gallant like a soldier with her battle wounds.

Under the scorching summer, she wore long sleeves,

Trying to mask the cuts in her wrists which used to bleed.

 

Things were falling in,

And she could no longer stand that grin.

She just knew what was left undone,

A slit on the wrist,

She knew- it’ll be over soon.

Depressed and gloomy.

She was never the same,

It’s the society that should bow down in shame.

 

Gasping, she embraced death,

The suffering was over now at her deathbed.

She tried hard but could no longer fight,

Hence, she boarded her last flight.

Just before her eyes were shut,

She scribbled one last note for her loved ones-

“Try not to hate me, when I am gone,

It will take time, but you’ll forget me, as I am not worth to be dwelled on,

Just know that I loved you and I’ll still be watching on you from the clouds above,

But for now, it’s Goodbye!”

For now, it’s Goodbye!

©Arpita

My Grave of Emotions

He said I am getting married,

Tone was low and eyes were grounded,

Wonderful news- I was sounding elated.

Congratulations! I chirped,

Our eyes met as he looked straight into me,

A teardrop was finally set free.

You do not understand yet? – He asked,

Falling short of words for the first time,

What could I say when I knew those eyes?

I had tried so hard to run from the fact,

But Karma had to play his cards.

Lost in his eyes for the moment,

Immersed in his love over the years,

Wanting to hold on,

But shackled.

Wanting so bad to stop this,

But-

Should I? – was the voice in the head.

Born an orphan and grew up at his family’s mercy,

Was it legit to break his family’s moment of glee?

I know it broke him,

I was broken too.

My soul was touched,

Yet so barren.

Feelings immortal,

Yet in the grave.

He was searching for an answer,

And I was numb.

A deep breath,

A murmur,

A last utter-

“I love you”,

And he walked away for forever!

©Arpita

Gentleman or Just Man?

The hustle and bustle in the town has fallen silent,

Now that Dussehra is over, all left is memories of the days passed by to reminiscent.

The nine day fairy tale of respect is now clouded by reality,

She coined as “Maa” then is now an “object” for society.

Those eyes would scan and hands would grope you,

And those saree clad aunties, they would not support but rather slam you.

Keep your ears open to new headlines of rape cases,

Shocked? But why? 

Sigh! Were you expecting a changed mindset in the masses?

Those are just puppets of Ravana that burn every year,

None let’s go off the Ravana residing deep within them, for that matter.

Stop worshipping women for the sake of it, when respect doesn’t come from deep within,

Let them not set false hopes to see you as a changed man when eventually you are not planning,

You don’t need Dussehra to respect a woman,

Burn the Ravana in now, and be a true gentleman!

©Arpita

Fading Light..

Standing at the balcony, staring at the fading moonlight,

Somehow, somewhere it felt as though life was fading away.

Grief, anger, sadness- there are countless emotions,

Weirdly- all that I felt was completely blank.

It seemed as though my own world is distant,

It seemed as though I was sinking and slowly losing my grip.

Are these just episodes or a clear sign?

Am I alienating from myself yet again?

Scared or scarred – I am no longer sure,

To attempt to breathe, seems pointless like never before.

Stuck in an unending maze,

Routes to break free seem covered in haze.

Shackles each day tightening its grips,

The urge to cling on slowly fading like those faint streaks.

They say there comes a dawn after every dusk,

But why does this dawn seem to have lost sight unasked?

The bottled up chaos rests in the graveyard,

And all that is left is a vacuum spread thousands of yards.

Staring at the fading moonlight,

All that I feel is life falling apart,

All that I feel is falling apart.

©Arpita

Would You?

If we started life on a different note,

If we could reverse and rewrite the plots,

Would you have stayed then?

Would you have had a reason to cling on?

Faulty we were or it was the fault in our stars,

The tumultuous journey left all but scars.

Was ‘enough’ just not really enough?

How does one free from those invisible cuffs?

Endless tries to add hues,

Alas! The canvas remains gray.

Crumbling slowly from the deafening silence,

Life yet urges to hold on to the pretence.

Bruised wings trying hard to break open and flutter,

The shackles hold her down each time, how hard she tries no matter. 

Life goes on in a frenzy,

And the thought leaves the inner child crazy.

Tell me-

If we had started life on a different note,

Would you have stayed then?

If we could reverse all back in time,

Would you have stayed back then?

Would you have?

©Arpita

The Canvas

Life is but a canvas of realisations,

Bitter, sweet- it teaches us a lot of lessons.

Is there a right or wrong way to paint one’s life?

What’s right for you is circumstantial for the other side.

How about we keep emotions apart?

How about we travel to that point of start?

A game for you but someone’s belief,

A victim of circumstances but how does one believe?

Endless efforts to paint the canvas green,

A shift, a drift kept sweeping off the canvas clean.

Those surreal moments of truth and affection,

Could they put together that canvas already broken?

Those hopes, beliefs and promises on the way,

Do they hold enough elixir to splatter colors on the canvas grey?

Truth, lies are all but smears,

Trifle efforts to splash some colors.

Stands there mocking at you, the situation,

The canvas exudes colors thus fainting into oblivion,

That grey canvas slowly embraces oblivion.

©Arpita

Black Hole

Have you ever felt heavy in the head but empty at heart?

Have you ever felt unending chaos within you yet voiceless at the same time?

Some questions asked with answers already known,

Some hopes unsaid and some crushed down,

She ran from the said once again just to fall down.

Eyes twinkling and lips sealed,

A tsunami swirling yet stays unsaid.

A thousand stabs taken over and over without a sigh,

Wings curtailed, how does one soar high?

Emotions were but just a mockery,

Statements endless- truth or flattery?

Draped in clothes yet she feels naked,

She gave it her all just to reach a dead end.

Reality stands grinning at her face,

She is but a puppet to circumstances in place.

An endless black hole,

Voiceless and smiling,

She is empty to the core.

She is but empty to the core.

 ©Arpita

The Moonlight

There I was at my balcony puffing a cigarette,

Earphones plugged in, soft music and absolutely zero thoughts,

Standing there enjoying the solace and stillness before dawn,

Embracing the peace that the standstill night evoked.

The cool breeze brushing across my face,

The moon playing hide and seek among those floating cotton balls,

The moonlight planting soft kisses on my forehead,

For a moment, it felt as though I belonged to this place,

For a moment, the world didn’t seem that distant.

Until- 

The vision turned blurry and anxiety crept in,

That door of thoughts suddenly engulfed me in all swing.

Angst, grief, resentment- the list is too long to end,

Thoughts went haywire and limbs jello to even stand.

Struggling to catch breath, that cigarette burnt my hand,

Thankful to this sensation which broke the delirium,

The uneven ragged breaths finally fall back in pattern.

A searing pain which otherwise I couldn’t withstand,

Another episode of anxiety and a burnt hand,

Finally, It ends !

© Arpita

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