Successful Relationship- A Myth or a Reality

The other day, I was conversing with my bae, about how to make our relationship status rank to be one of the most successful ones? I was stunned at his response- “Successful relation, Oh! Come on, get over it, it does not exist in real life.” I was honestly disappointed and he could sense that.

He walked up to me and pulled me to his arms and asked- Okay! So, what is a successful relation? I was silent. Realizing, I am not going to respond, he spoke- In todays’ time, a successful relation is one, where internally even if your heart is bleeding, externally you display to be the happiest of all. If that is how you want our relation to be, sorry, I cannot do that. I wondered, after all, he was correct.

Our inner egos are so big that we rarely sit down for a discussion, listen to each other and sort out our differences. The male counterpart tends to always have the upper hand in a relationship, there are exceptions, and touchwood, I have been lucky in that case, my partner is a real gem.

A relation should be as such where you can pour your heart out without needing to worry about anything. Free flow of emotions is a rare thing. You should respect each other’s wishes and allow them the needed private space. Needless to mention, care and love is something that is needed in each relation.

Male or female ego, clash of words, violence and abuses, trust issues should never crop up in a relation. Once these seedlings are planted, there is nothing that can save your relationship from doom. These are like termites that would eat up your relationship slowly and gradually and you would be left with negative emotions and hatred towards your partner.

It is not that complicated a task to sustain a healthy relationship. A little bit of effort from both the parties, display of love, respect for each other, trust and most importantly, open communication and Yayy! A happy healthy relationship is established.

Over the years, I have come across couples whose outer presence seems so overwhelming, that you grow envious of their relationship and wish one such relation of your own, however the reality is completely different (of course, not all). A makeup to cover the scars and bruises and you can shun a fake smile as well, but if you look deep into their eyes, you can feel the sorrow and sadness that is towered on them. On a personal level, I would never want a glamorous look and feel of my relationship just for display to the outer world, rather, I would prefer one simple, caring and loving partner who knows the values of respect and dignity.

As it is said, respect each other and your hopes and aspirations of a successful relationship would soon be a reality and a source of inspiration for all.

“I would rather keep my head held high in a relationship or walk off from it.”

Work-Life in the New Normal

It is months now that we are part of this new normal and if we believe reports, we all have adapted well to the change. There has been a considerable increase in productivity and even a lot of organizations have made announcements to continue this trend in the longer run.

But have we really adapted well? How about we talk of the increased cases of depression and frustration stuck home? How about we talk of the disorganized work-home balance? How about we talk of the long hours of work? How about we talk of mental health and the suicide cases?

Yes, there is a huge number of people who are working those extra hours because they love their job. But what about those who are working just to save their job? Are they really being productive? Is that the right way to churn productivity? Our employees need to feel included in this hour of crisis and not insecure. And if we fail to give them that sense of inclusion, have we really succeeded as a billion dollar firm?

While organizations look at the bigger picture and need to take few harsh decisions at times, we can still make our employees feel cared for and included even in the face of adverse situations by our small efforts.

Don’t send them a piece of paper, rather communicate personallyYour employees are like your family and they understand that at times you need to take adverse decisions. Speaking with them directly and helping them understand the reason behind the move, would make them feel cared for and if nothing else, increase the level of respect they have for the organization.

Stay Connected- The leadership should occasionally touch base with their subordinates, and with the current crisis, this is much needed. Your team won’t feel lost and unmotivated and know that the organization really cares for their well-being.

Recreational Activities– Some recreation activities once a week helps relieve the stress. There are loads of fun and engaging games available online to choose from or you can devise your own games to engage the mass.

Controlled Work Hours– People working from home have a life beyond work too. Whenever you observe any of your employees stretching continuously beyond work hours, advise them to wrap work within the hours and not stress on it.

LeavesYou should let your folks take leaves, irrespective of the fact that they are working from home. They deserve their ‘me’ time too, so that they can refresh themselves and get back to work all charged up.

While there are a lot of contributing factors to help strike the work-life balance, only time will tell, how well we have adapted to this new normal? It is high time, we all stand besides each other in these tough times, encourage all to speak, and not let anyone suffer alone silently.

©Arpita

 

A&A- The Unknown Tale

“Love is beyond explanations, reality and barriers. All she knew was to break herself apart and love you and she did and will keep doing so till she breathes.”

This isn’t some fancy fairy tale or a marriage with a happy ending. This is altogether a different story. A story of two persons, where one presents his reality and the other pure love. Maybe destiny has different in store for them, maybe one of the others is unsure of how to proceed, or is burdened with lots of responsibilities and issues, but all that matters at the end, is how pure the emotion was.

It all started very differently. They worked in the same office. More than a boss, he was a friend, a guide. She doesn’t know when she started falling for him, the reason is inexplicable. After all, not everything in this galaxy can be explained. The feelings were strong, the only thing holding her back was he was in a relationship then and she was unsure of his emotions. They did share the most wonderful bond.

When things started growing serious, and it was getting tough for her, she decided to switch jobs, with the hope that her feelings would just be hers and she would find a way out of this. And may be, may be, she would have succeeded, had that phone call not changed everything.

3rd July, 19, she received messages-

Hello! Will you meet me today? Followed by a video call. She was shivering back then. She dialled the number and they spoke, spoke till he confessed at a point, that he truly loves her and wants her to accept the fact as well. He sounded so desperate to meet her and she was going wobbly. She could not hold back the emotions she had suppressed for so long when he said he just wanted to hold her forever and never let her go.

She had to go meet him, she could not stay back. He was drunk but she was not concerned about that. She just wanted to meet him. An Ola late in the night and finally she reached his place. There was an outburst of emotions and truth after that. Hugs, kisses, his arms, and his touch, everything was so magical. She was lost in him and wanted to stay the same lifelong. His tear drops all over her face had somehow owned her. Maybe he would never realise the fact, but she was shaken from within.

The next morning, there was a transition of emotion. Remorse and regret covered his face. She doesn’t know what that regret was for. Regret for confessing or for not being able to stay together. Regret for letting her believe he is the one or for breaking the belief. A week passed by, and when she finally called, she found him a changed man, where he wanted to set things right, where he talked of barriers and how he wants to be a good chapter in her life and how she is supposed to help him.

It has been some time now since they last spoke. You all might wonder, what is this story doing here? It is just that love is not about setting realistic expectations. Neither am I writing this because I can fiddle with words. Love is beyond barriers, beyond age, beyond practicalities. If someone is unsure of his intentions, he should never approach. The hollowness that he tried to fill in her, turned out to be all the deeper. Maybe she would not say a word, maybe for him, the three magical words are just words, maybe she would let him be the way he wants, but this instance has broken her down into so tiny fragments that even a lifetime would fall short to recollect her again. She somehow is giving up the urge to cling on to life, embracing smoking and drinking. The vacuum is so thick, she does not feel life anymore. But she still wishes and urges that he stays happy, blessed and has a good life no matter what.

“Feel me in the clouds, but don’t regret when you won’t feel my touch anymore.”

Grihini-The Home Maker or the Home Breaker?

It is said that a woman is one who builds and nurtures a family and she is the same one who can take it to doom. In this world, everything happens for a reason. What I do not understand is, how can a woman be the reason always when you are doomed?

I come from a joint family-in fact a huge one, with lots of uncles, aunts, cousins, siblings, grandma, grandpa, and I can rant on and on. Nahh! I am not trying to show how big my family is. The point that I am trying to put across is that, at home, whenever, the kid failed or the husband faced a loss in his business, or some mishap happened, the grandma’s or the  elders would right away be like- Shibani (mum), it is all your fault. You cannot teach your kid. It is all your fault, you stress out your husband so much, he couldn’t concentrate on his work. You didn’t do the Aarti with a pure heart and so he met with an accident.

Oh! C’mon. Just give me a break! Shibani, is the lady, who just toils like a labor at your home from dawn till dusk, and even after dusk. Had she not cooked, you would have logicstarved. Had she not bathed the kid, he would have missed school. Had she not kept the files synchronized, her husband would have missed an important file and many more. Can anyone freaking explain the logic of this Aarti? Was Shibani thinking of Shakira while doing the Aarti? Of course not! And how on Earth, has the Aarti got to do anything, about your son, walking like a blind, in the middle of the road? Aarti wouldn’t lend superpowers and create an iron shield. Shitty logic!!

The truth is the society is so patriarchal, that, you just need a reason to blame her- a reason to blame your wife. You married her, brought her to your house. She has embraced each one in the house, including you. Did you ever imagine how hard it is for a girl to leave her own blood relations and accept others? Had your son today won a medal, you would go about boasting, he is my son. But did you take the least bit of pain to let the equalworld know and share the credit with your wife, who if, had not nurtured the child and taught him values, had not boosted and motivated him, the child would have been no more than all those spoiled kids out there? Ever did you do that? No? Why? Your ego hurts, right?

 

respectFor some seconds, try keeping the superiority aside, and give her the due share of credit, for all the arduous work that she has put in, to build a family, inspiring for all, and see the spark in her eyes. For once, give her the due respect, and keep the blames aside. It isn’t too much to ask for.     

 

“She is your better half, she is your Grihini- your homemaker in the truest sense. Accept it, embrace it and respect it!”

Let us be Humane

Have you ever felt that heaviness in your chest, like being placed under a huge weight? Have you ever gotten answers to the analysis of that choked and short gasps you manage to take due to that heaviness?  help

Each one might have a different answer to it- maybe a situation, a scar, a break up, loss of a loved one and more. But how does one explain when they feel a lot of emotions yet empty, just unable to channelize the cause causing the heaviness?

The hollowness inside slowly corrodes the person turning them into mere flesh and bones. And what is a body after all without a soul and without emotions?

They express differently, react differently, are filled to the brim with so many shades yet feel so empty. They may be suffering from depression, may be not; may be self destructive and again may be not. They end up being the support system for all and yet are the most complex of all beings. I definitely have not seen the whole wide world but say this having dealt with few such folks in my circle. They melt with care and all they desire is love, they need immense love and understanding.

 

It isn’t always about breakups, family problems, situations, failed marriages; there is a lot more to look for in a person, a lot more to embrace and let go at the same time.

yoda

Compassion, a kind-heart, patience and love can heal even the most broken and bruised souls. All you need is to be open to embrace. 

Let us all work towards being more compassionate and make this world a better place to live.

 

P.S- I am not a psychologist, but have seen love and care transform a lot of broken lives. They are free, let them flow in abundance, let them heal.

©Arpita

Motherhood after marriage

Being a mother is definitely one of the best feelings in the universe. It is when a women considers herself complete. Without motherhood, you would never understand the meaning of true love and bliss. The kind of love that you feel within when you hear the first cry of the child or at her first look is just love in its truest form and is beyond all measures. Mothers are the most precious gifts that the deity has bestowed upon mankind. God could not have had any better creation than mother. Every step you take, every move you make, you know there is someone for you. When the whole world turns against you, may be even when your husband or your wife betrays you, you know there is this one person, under whose love and care, no matter how deep the pain is, the world would still feel heaven, the burden would lighten and you would feel safe, and that is none other than your mother.

The general stereotype in this society that has existed since ages is a couple marrying off to expand their family and bring glory to the clan. This is something that would never change no matter how modernized or advanced the society becomes. But what if the woman you married cannot conceive? What if your husband is incapable of giving you a child?

The general trend in the society would be series of blames, hatred, venom spit on each other, the families and specifically to the woman. But is it worth it? Does one really need to conceive to feel and achieve motherhood? An open mind set and practical approach is more than enough to bring the desired change in the society. One does not really need to be married in the first place to experience motherhood. And this is no shame rather a moment of pride, if one has the guts to take such a bold step.

Every year, thousands of orphans die due to lack of care and family. One adoption each can not only change their lives but can highly change yours as well. A married lady can experience motherhood and relive her dream of being a mother. As a single mother, you can give a good life to an abandoned baby and change his future and eventually yours as well. Adoption is bliss. For those who have not experienced it or have not been able to pick enough guts to opt for it are cowards. You are not only giving someone a good life but also setting a bright example to the society.

There are thousands of examples out there in the society where even physically fit couples opted not to have kids but rather enjoy the bliss of adoption. For those families who break marriages and ties on the name of a child, there isn’t any bigger evil than you. You need to dig your head out of the mud and accept change. A bond being broken shatters the wellbeing of not just the couple involved but all of those who are somehow connected to them.

Motherhood is a gift and a mere capability of giving birth or not being able to give birth cannot take that away from you. You need to be strong enough to take the right decision and welcome the bundle of happiness into your lives. Life cannot get any better than this when you have a child in it and that too one such child who probably needed your affection, love and care the most. Embrace the change, strengthen your nuptial bonds and adopt. You would be a living example of change in the society. Who knows there would come a day when each abandoned child has a loving home and parents to take care of them? Who knows a day would come when these bundle of joys would not need to struggle and face the hardships all alone and can smile freely and let that smile radiate your life as well?

“However motherhood comes to you, is a miracle, embrace and love it.”

~~Arpita~~

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